men & vulnerability
Are you a man who feels disconnected from his emotions?
Do you experience the following?
irritability and anger
feeling “flat” or “numb”
engaging in high-risk activities
rumination on things you “should” have done
feeling like you are “not enough”
inability to communicate with friends and partners
These may be signs you are experiencing symptoms of anxiety and depression.
“Depression in men … often manifests as irritability; anger; hostile, aggressive, abusive behaviour; risk taking; substance abuse; and escaping behaviour (eg, overinvolvement at work).” - Canadian Family Physician
Between 10-20% of men experience anxiety and depression - You are not alone!
Access to Emotions
Our culture makes it difficult for men to feel they have access to their emotions, and dissuades men from expressing these feelings effectively. How does this happen?
The short answer is that we are given an unrealistic and unachievable standard of masculinity.
A set of studies from 2015 finds that when male (but not female) leaders ask for help, they are viewed as less competent, capable, and confident. Even the men with the highest level of responsibility are told they must be individually flawless and are not allowed to rely on their community for support.
“Little boys internalize this concept early … research suggests they begin to hide their feelings from as young as 3 to 5 years old. ‘It doesn’t mean that they have fewer emotions. But they’re already learning the game—that it’s not a good idea to express them’” - The Body is Not an Apology
This turns into a cycle that breeds shame and disconnection.
this cycle is harmful to men’s health
“Men’s willingness to downplay weakness and pain is so great that it has been named as a factor in their shorter lifespan. The 10 years of difference in longevity between men and women turns out to have little to do with genes. Men die early because they do not take care of themselves. Men wait longer to acknowledge that they are sick, take longer to get help, and once they get treatment do not comply with it as well as women do.” - Terry Real
Taking the step to start therapy is a powerful way to care for yourself!
Not only is decreasing shame beneficial to your mental health, it’s important for physical health as well.
How i can help
In my practice, I work to help men decrease feelings of shame and increase their capacity for vulnerability.
The more we believe parts of ourselves are unacceptable or “bad”, the more shame we feel about them. Shame thrives when we keep it hidden from others. That pattern cognitively reinforces that those parts must stay secret in order for us to be accepted.
Vulnerability breaks this cycle and liberates us from shame.
By engaging in relational psychotherapy, you can learn to practice vulnerability and decrease the shame you feel about parts of self. That often translated into being able to be more vulnerable and engage in more fulfilling relationships with those you care about.
I will support you in identifying your strengths, increasing your ability to understand and express your emotions and decreasing your barriers to fulfilling relationships.
what will therapy look like?
Shame loves to make us feel alone. When you begin your therapy journey with Art Therapy PNW, you will have a partner every step of the way that understands where you are coming from and where you are going.
This won’t the type of therapy where we sit across from each other and the only words I say are, “How does that make you feel?” as I nod along.
We will be a team that laughs together, looks at problems from different angles, and co-create an environment in which you can grow and thrive.
The next step
If you feel ready to take the first step towards increasing vulnerability and decreasing shame, contact me to schedule a free consultation.
We can work together to figure out if therapy with me would be the right fit for your needs and then get to work to help you live your ideal life without being caught in the male shame cycle.